Tuesday, April 5, 2011

HOME


Oh god. So I have been home for 2 full days now, and I can already tell it’s going to be a very long 6 months before my return to LP. For a couple of reasons….

My parents. I love them, but in the 2 hour journey back from the airport I already had a list of about a hundred things that I need to do.

Find a job. Call Parks and Recs to get my job back. Find another job just in case. Do my taxes. Go to my brothers lacrosse game. Write letters to family/potential sponsors. Register for classes. Get ready for dad being in the hospital. Disperse 20 bags of mulch.
Plus some things I have to do for myself
Study for exam. Listen to lecture. Apply to Penn State. Send transcripts from UMW. Withdraw from UMW. Send transcripts from NOVA. Send Transcripts from HS. FIND A JOB. Buy my sled for next season. Empty my bank account paying for a sled next season. Volunteer coaching track. Run. Find somewhere to lift. Workout. Go to class. STUDY.

It’s really not that much to do I suppose but I feel a bit overwhelmed and over stressed at the moment. And my parents do not help. NO I am not an angry teenager. But they had the life talk with me and it was a little depressing. “So Meghan what do you want to do with your life” “maybe you should put skeleton on hold and just finish school” “just get any kind of degree”…talk about giving me a F’ing heart attack.

I am still unsure of what I want to do with my life. Is that not ok!? I’m 19! Put skeleton on hold! But if I quit now…ill never go back…and I have so much potential…and isn’t now the time to go after crazy dreams like this? While I’m still young and have the rest of my life to get my shit together?

A lot of the older people in this sport have to deal with things like…I’m 26 and I live with my parents. And I don’t have a real job. I don’t have time for a relationship/the relationship I’m in is failing. I’m poor. I drive a beater car. I live in a dorm. When is time to get a real job and start a family?

I don’t have to worry about half of those things because I’m still young! And its socially acceptable for me to still live with my parents, not have a real job, live in a dorm, and drive a crappy car! The only thing I have to worry about is getting my undergrad, and potentially being single for the next 8 years haha. Which my mom insures me wont happen but…the lifestyle doesn’t exactly encourage healthy relationships haha.

Don’t get me wrong I worry about school every day. If I don’t get into Penn State then ill end up going to NOVA again in the fall…and my parents will tell me to get an associates degree and then transfer to a 4 year university. They were even talking about the jobs I could get with JUST an associates degree. That is not what I want. I actually love school, and am not sure if I could sacrifice my education to that extent for skeleton. Since I was little, the idea of going to college and becoming a super successful, cut throat, business woman was burned into my brain by my parents.

At this point I don’t think I know enough about life to know what would truly make me happy. And I don’t know if being the wo ”man” of the office, would make my life complete. I can’t even imagine myself walking around in heels 24/7. BUT I have always wanted a really prestigious job, a job where I would make enough money to be completely independent. And where I would find a husband who was even more successful than I was.

So I have devised a plan to do both skeleton and obtain prestigious degree…if I get into Penn State, which has both online and on campus classes. Ill be getting an undergrad degree in law and society…aka pre law….and then after skeleton I will be going to law school. That’s the plan. If I don’t get into Penn State..ill take it from there and ill have a couple of huge decisions ahead of me.

Even though my dad compared skeleton to a drug, its what I love doing. It’s not the future that my parents probably envisioned for me, and I know there only being logical when they worry about me. But I have realized that I can do anything that I put my mind to. I am determined and stubborn and will be super successful in life, including life after skeleton. There are times when I am insecure and I have to reassure myself I am doing what god meant for me to be doing. And I know my parents support me…but their doubts are obvious in the way they talk about my future. Being home is hard because it makes me feel unsure and insecure about my future in skeleton. When I’m home the realities of the rest of life….pretty much come crashing down on me… (might be a little over dramatic haha)…. With me already doubting myself the last thing I needed was my parents doubting my future. I know they are only trying to keep me grounded but it’s a difficult balance between grounded and discouraged. Thanks to everyone who has ever supported or believed in me. As you can probably tell, it means the world to me.

2 comments:

  1. Skeleton is like a drug. It's addicting as hell.

    I'm having similar troubles to you: I have a job, but I need another one just to maybe make finances for skeleton. Writing sponsorship letters. Finding a gym.

    Hang in there, girlie. Do what you love, love what you do!

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  2. Haha.
    Sounds exactly like me and my parents (dad) at that stage of my life.
    Your parents will kill me for saying it, but go with your heart. You will not regret it later on.
    And remember, your parents might nag you, but they will support you regardless of what they say. It's their job to worry about you, but hey, they do love you after all!

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